19 Mar 2020 17:14:18
Guy walks into a pub waving a big black and white checked flag the barman says you better not start anything.
19 Mar 2020 17:34:21
Had a job interview the other day and was asked "can you do good under pressure? " I said "no but I do a cracking bohemian rhapsody"
19 Mar 2020 18:00:49
3 passengers on a doomed plane, a top world renowned scientist, a minister and a 16 year old lad. Only 2 parachutes between them. The scientist says I've cured disease, invented technology and I get a parachute and jumps out. The minister says I've looked after my flock and my community for years and followed God for 40 years so I deserve a parachute, the lad pipes up, what you worried about that scientist just grabbed my rucksack.
19 Mar 2020 18:20:39
penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman
have you seen my brother?
barman says, what"s he look like?
19 Mar 2020 19:06:20
Did u Hera about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize?
He won it for being outstanding in his field.
19 Mar 2020 20:57:37
Asked the barber, 'How much is a haircut? '
He said '£20'.
I said, 'How much is a shave? '
He said, '£10'.
I said, 'Shave my head. '
19 Mar 2020 22:53:03
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.
19 Mar 2020 23:31:02
FM lads those joke are woeful lol!
20 Mar 2020 07:40:49
The covan, short mate, i should have looked down, the page, before posting.
20 Mar 2020 07:52:09
Guy walks into pub, an older guy is sitting with an old dog, the dog is cleaning itself, you know licking his private parts. guy said to the old guy i'd love to be able to do that, the old guy replied buy him a pie and he might let you.
20 Mar 2020 10:50:22
Thanks guys for all the terrible jokes, they have cheered me up so much that I've printed them out and I'll be taking them to the pub this weekend (if it is still open! ) .
20 Mar 2020 13:36:52
Horse walks into the pub, Barman says 'what's with the long face', horse replies, I'm a horse. Barman then says we've got whisky named after you, horse replies, 'Whit, Dobbin'
20 Mar 2020 13:36:59
Two dogs walking down the street one said to the other, rover when your having sex with a bitch do you use any protection, durex I asked you first.
Two vomits walking down the street one said to the other one see that close over there that’s were I was brought up.
20 Mar 2020 13:38:37
Big Heilan Policeman arrest a guy in Sauchiehall Street and drags him round the corner to Hope Street as he couldnae spell Sauchiehall.
20 Mar 2020 13:40:58
A man walking down Buchanan Steet is approached by a woman who asks' Hey big boy dae ye fancy 'Super Sex', the guy replies, ' Gie me the soup I'm starvin'
20 Mar 2020 15:36:31
Guy walks into a pub, sees an old guy sitting with a dog, does your dog bite, no said the old guy, he goes to clap the dog, and the dog bites him, i thought your dog doesn't bite, the old guy says that's not my dog.
20 Mar 2020 22:27:10
Aha Paulellen, Inspector Clouseau n'est pas?
22 Mar 2020 07:11:10
Seeker, i didn't know that joke came from Clouseau. i never watched it, i disliked the way he talked.