Rangers Banter Archive March 20 2020
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20 Mar 2020 20:04:42
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't swim- he fell out a tree and broke his leg.
20 Mar 2020 20:34:59
Paddy is running down the road behind a bus and Mick shouts "why you running behind the bus Paddy", Paddy replies " saving myself £1.20. Mick replies " you'll save a lot more running behind a taxi, Paddy"
20 Mar 2020 22:16:47
A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science and mathematics.
He makes friends with the tribe's chief and his wife and they all live happily for some time.
One day the chief's wife gives birth to a white child.
The word spreads and the entire tribe is in shock.
The chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look, you are the only white man we've ever seen around here, and my wife gave birth to a white child.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened! "
The professor replied, "No, chief, you're mistaken.
What we have here is a natural occurrence what we in the civilized world call an albino!
Look at that field over there.
All the sheep are white except for one black one.
Nature does this on occasion. "
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what.
You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about the white kid. "
20 Mar 2020 22:24:33
Sorry mull no being cheeky but like most of your posts I don’t get that?
21 Mar 2020 06:54:44
Geezadod, good one mate, made me laugh, . cheers.
21 Mar 2020 08:04:18
what is the difference between a new wife and a new job? After 2 years the job still sucks.
20 Mar 2020 19:46:32
I went to my docs and said I keep getting these dreams that I can see into the future he said when did you start getting them I said since next thursday.
20 Mar 2020 19:02:36
Paddy and Mick walking along the road and find 3 grenades paddy says we should take these too the police station Mick says what if 1 blows up on way there paddy says we will just tell them we found 2.
20 Mar 2020 18:35:16
I asked the lady in Gregg how much are the wasps she said we don't sell wasps I said there's 2 in the window.
20 Mar 2020 18:09:17
Almost the last stages before Boris presses the golden buzzer and locks the country down. don't see anyway back for the SPL this season. Null and void only option. I don't say that lightly but Covid is coming in a big way folks. Nobody at the SFL/ SPL/ SFA thinking ahead more like a week behind government advice. The league is gone, Europe is gone, this year is gone. Its just the way it is. don't think our grand parents were moaning when the bombers were pounding us. Stay well Bears and hope all your family pull through which i'm sure they will and will see you on the other side in a full to capacity Ibrox.
20 Mar 2020 22:23:04
Yea it’s making a mockery of uefa experts are saying there will be no social contact for a year . good luck with the June deadline then UEFA.
20 Mar 2020 17:41:55
Paddy was driving home late one night and was pulled over by the police
"This is a spot check" said the policeman
Paddy replied "I've got two blackheads on my forehead and a boil on my a#$e"
20 Mar 2020 17:36:53
duck waddles into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of lager
barman says wow!
a talking duck, you should join the circus,
duck says why? are they looking for painters.
20 Mar 2020 16:44:35
I think in all honesty, the last thing we need is an Ulster former DUP councillor and bigoted orangeman
to be our PR man. C'mon, can't we EVER rise above that outdated and severely controversial attitude?
I really thought we were above that level of rivalry, but apparently not.
Dreadful appointment in my opinion!
20 Mar 2020 17:43:22
How is being in the Orange order bigoted.
I think you need to do a bit of reading on the orange order before making slanderous statements like that!
20 Mar 2020 18:57:26
That's the best joke yet, so the guys beliefs upset people big deal maybe now we have someone who will stick up for us.
20 Mar 2020 20:34:45
The guy was obviously the stand out candidate at interview end of.
20 Mar 2020 20:44:26
really? wow how impressive.
20 Mar 2020 15:31:26
A donkey standing at the bar having a drink when a nice looking horse comes over and starts talking to him.
Thinking she's out of his league he talks to her anyway.
Turns out she's won numerous Group 1 races including the Oaks and the Arc.
At the end of night they arrange a date at his place. Feeling inferior to her stories he comes up with a cunning plan.
As the night arrives she enters his place and points at a picture of a zebra on the wall. Who's that she says?
The donkey says - that's when I used to play for Juventus!
20 Mar 2020 15:49:26
Gorgeous woman walking along the street sees gerrard and says stevie can i have your autograph i have a pen but no paper can you just sign my left boob. gerrard does it happily. same woman walks up the street amd sees lennon. neil can i have your autograph please. I don't have any paper and gerrard already signed my left boob so can you sign the other one. neil lennon then takes the pen and says
"Im good at signing right tits anyway".
20 Mar 2020 15:14:47
Bob monkhouse. everybody laughed when I said I was going to become a comedian, well they're not laughing now.
20 Mar 2020 15:31:58
Went to the doc to see what was wrong with me. doc says “ listen sir u must stop masturbating immediately “ i said “ how? ” Doc says “ so I can examine ye ya durty swine”.
20 Mar 2020 14:44:25
Paddy and Mick are at work. Paddy says "Oi Mick, I am fed up with this sh! t. Watch this am going to get sent home". Paddy takes off all his clothes, climbs onto the ceiling rafters, dangles upside down and starts shouting "AM A LIGHTBULB, AM A LIGHTBULB". The gaffer comes out and shouts "Haw paddy get down off there and get yourself up the road. You're no right son". Just at that Mick starts gathering up all his gear. The gaffer says "Mick, where do you think your going? "
Mick says "I'm away up the road too. Am no working in the dark".
20 Mar 2020 17:59:17
A women playing golf slices the ball off the tee and hits a guy on the next fairway.
Gives out a yell and puts his hands between his legs.
The woman runs over and asks if he is ok and offers to relive his pain as she is a doctor.
Reluctantly he agrees.
She gently removes his hands, unzips his trousers and put her hands inside.
She massages him for a few minutes and asks
“How does that feel? ”
He replies
“Feels great . but I still think my thumbs broke! ”.
20 Mar 2020 10:57:38
Chic murray classic wife says to chic boy oot there trying to steal oor gate chic says no going oot he might take a fence.
20 Mar 2020 12:05:15
Tommy Cooper classic. A wife walks into the living room and notices her husband is looking sad. She asks him what’s up he says he’s homesick. Thecwife says what do you mean your homesick you’re at home. The man says I know and I’m sick of it.
20 Mar 2020 14:03:28
Timalloy classic. I've got friends!
20 Mar 2020 08:47:45
This new PR guys got not a hope of survival in this position! the Mhedia are circling the wagons, now it's a Facebook post from 2011 he refers to parkway as "the piggery" apparently it was rangers fan who flagged it? this was always going to be fraught with danger
Baggage aside, he seems to be qualified plus surely he can't do as bad a job as last incumbent?
20 Mar 2020 10:06:06
I think it’s a crazy post the media will be all over this and I fear he will be forced out, out new slogan “everyone anyone “ will be used as a rod for our back find it’s a strange appointment.
20 Mar 2020 10:22:32
BB
In what way is he qualified?
Not a lot of experience and has bombed a few times on what he has done.
20 Mar 2020 10:41:02
The media? Mr Traynor, daily record do the maths.
20 Mar 2020 13:46:23
crazy decision. would like to know whos silly idea it was.
20 Mar 2020 14:42:22
DEEB. Just read his full bio I stand corrected 👍👍.
20 Mar 2020 15:47:37
And what's wrong with calling Celtic Park the piggery in a tweet 8 years ago?
20 Mar 2020 15:34:24
Blu blue sea, we will hear the new guys name as often as we heard the name jim traynor, we won't see what mr gibson does, its all behind the scene stuff he will be doing.
20 Mar 2020 08:21:53
Not posted on the last week but been reading all your posts (sons been unwell but thankfully wasnt covid-19)
I know i'm a bit late but how lennon brown sutton and thousands of celtic fans claim if the season can't finish they should be awarded title. above all else. who cares about a title right now? thousands of people losing their lives. Nhs busting their asses and people not knowing when life can get back to normal. yet they're worrying about 9iar. if its that important right now then take it. at this present moment in time the spl uefa or whoever makes the decision can give them the mext 10 titles for all i care.
In footballing terms tho no they ahouldnt just get it handed to them. its been done before where teams have been miles ahead yet lost it at the very end. Barcelona n real 2 points apart. The list is endless as to why it shouldn't happen.
An orangeman as the new pr 🤪 we really do like to go about it the hard way.
Worst news I've heard about rangers is morelos might be staying with us next season. if he does lesve we ain't going to be offered any higher than 10m
Personally don't see the leagues being finished for the 30th jnue deadline. health authorities not expecting this bug to peak til end of may/ beginning of june so when we supposed to play games. and if rangers don't want to play without fans there then when are we supposed to actually play football ?
Time for the uk as a whole to come together. let's get through the storm. never mind leagues and cups . The spl want to give celtic the title then fine have it. don't care right now. tainted title for 9 if they do get it. i for one will always remind them they didn't win the 9 because they didn't earn it. with rangers 27 points still to play for and them 24 anything could happen.
Out of all our loanees. who do you think we will keep for next season?
I think kamberi and hagi should be offered contracts.
In my opinion if it turns out the season can't be finished the it has to be null and void. its the only fair way. for champions league and europa revert back to last seasons standings. obv if the roles were reversed i'd be arguing the same as them but in the end it seems the only fair way if it can't be done because its still mathematically possible to catch them. even other end of table can still change. so no they shouldn't just be handed the title but on the same note. At this worryin time i couldn't give a sh@t what happens. if cancelling the season and handing them the league is what needs to happen to help stop the spread and it saves just 1 persons life then i will support it. nothings more importsnt right now. not even 9iar. maybe someonr should tell lennon brown and they're fans that though.
20 Mar 2020 10:48:42
Iggle. I remember a few years ago when Kevin Keegan's Newcastle United threw away a 12 point lead to lose the title to Manchester United.
20 Mar 2020 17:18:11
Igglepiggle I give a rubbish I’m sick to the back teeth of the Coronavirus I understand it’s a pandemic but I can’t be arsed with it anymore kids off school, worrying about work, can’t get food shopping and no football to take our mind off it, it’s all anyone’s talking about 🤯 now if smeltic were handed the title as well I think I’d crack 😖 it’s just not reasonable to give it to them they are 5 wins away from winning it legit and that’s out of 8 games, if they are given it, it’ll be tainted and they will probably have the neck to ask for the Scottish cup as well 🙄.